The Exist Poem

Just about all of the assignments for the Spiritual Practices class were to do spiritual mind treatments for our prayer partner, a classmate. I'll keep his issues and concerns private, as well as those I did for other friends. This, however, is my final project for the class, a poem. I think it summarizes pretty well how I was feeling during the class!

The Exist Poem

I’m slight in size (except for my hair)
“Watch – turn sideways and you’ll disappear!”
I must insist that I exist.

Big voice, big actions, big stories – big hair,
Volume of any kind to prove that I’m here.
“I’m important, I matter!” I yell so I’ll heal
Though the louder I scream the less true it feels.
I must insist that I exist.

I seek, I search, I strive, I try
I do my practices, cry and cry.
Over-achiever, in charge, what needs doing I’ll do,
I’ll lift myself up and the whole world too!
I must insist that I exist.

So where is that voice still and small?
I meditate, vision, can’t hear the call.
Where’s that joy, that peace, that bliss that I am?
Why can’t I feel it when others can?
I must insist that I exist.

I’ve untied, unwrapped, unfurled, and uncoiled,
Pain dissolved; new seed in the soil.
I’ve been going and going, time for a rest,
When I stop and get still comes my highest and best.
I melt my heart and from deep in my core
Up comes the voice, still, small, and more.
“Nothing to insist; nothing to fix.
You, Child of God, absolutely exist.”

Stillness meets stillness in expansion and space,
I surrender to life with ease and grace.
I drop into my heart like into a boat
Wherever life takes me I just need to float.
The sweetness spreads, such joy, such bliss,
I know who I am, God in my midst.
A moment – my vision, a feeling so pure,
It pulls me forward, wanting more.