It’s August 2 – day 2 into my Summer Love Project! Reverend Michael at the Agape International Spiritual Center in Los Angeles is always saying that we need to ‘be the light in the room,’ to ‘be love,’ so I decided to make a challenge for myself. For the month of August, I am going to make a concentrated effort to be love. I’m hoping that a month of practice will make it a habit for me.
I can’t say that I totally understand what this means. In general, when I find myself turning inwards and shutting down, closing myself off from others, I think of my niece and nephews. I remember how excited Noelle was to give me a delicate gold necklace with a tiny volleyball charm or how Sage laughed and laughed as he scooped up sand from the sand box and dumped it on his head. My heart fills up with love; I imagine myself hugging all five of them at once, and then I try to breathe into that feeling so that it stays with me in all of my interactions. I’m sure that feeling love for them and gratitude for what they bring to my life helps me by raising my vibrational level. (It must, right?)
I think what Reverend Michael says might mean more though. Last weekend I was at my brother’s house for my four-year-old nephew’s birthday party. I had been looking forward to it, but I found myself, while not having a bad time, wondering when I could go home. I talked for a while to my sister and brother-in-law, and to my parents, and then I was just kind of bored. My brother was grilling; my sister-in-law was busy with her sick toddler, and while I had met most of my sister-in-law’s family before, I didn’t really know them. Except for some small talk when I first arrived and compliments on my salads, none of them went out of his or her way to talk to me or make me feel comfortable.
It was only later that evening, after I got home, that I thought about one of Reverend Michael’s sermons in which he encouraged us to ‘be the light in the room.’ It hit me that for me to ‘be love’ and ‘be the light,’ I would have to go outside of my usual pattern. Why couldn’t I go up to my sister-in-law’s relatives and introduce myself? What was stopping me from going out of my way to make them feel comfortable? If the room was dark, it was up to me to brighten it up! I have to say though, the thought of it makes me cringe a little; it is uncomfortable to step outside of the comfort zone I usually hide in. But it’s the only way to grow and unwind.
Back in 2009 I went to the wedding of a friend of mine from film school. I guess the couple was trying to keep costs down; I wasn’t allowed to bring a date. Another classmate I knew well was also invited, but she decided not to attend. I was debating whether or not to go when a friend of mine encouraged me to do it – come on, weddings are fun! I called the groom and told him I’d be there. I asked him to put me at the table with two other classmates, his good friends I was sure would be there. He assured me that I would be at the fun table.
As I was driving down, I realized that the other two guys I knew were very good friends of the groom’s – doh! – they were groomsmen and sure to be sitting at the bridal table. My stomach sank. I was not going to know anyone at my table. I considered turning around to go home, and then I rallied. Look, I told myself, no one else was allowed to bring a date either, so there will be single people there. It’s a wedding! People were joining together on a joyous occasion; there was no reason to think that anyone wouldn’t want to talk to me. It was a time of love and fun and acceptance. I decided to make it work.
I read once that there are two kinds of people – those who grow up trusting that the world is a safe place, that all of their needs will be met, and those that don’t. I definitely fell into the category of those who didn’t think the world was safe, who waited for the other shoe to drop and were sure that everyone was out to get them. (I’m grossly paraphrasing, but I believe I read this idea in M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled.) I made a commitment then to trust the world, trust my friend, trust his friends – to believe that I would have a wonderful time at the wedding.
My hunch was correct – the other two guys I knew were at the bridal table. I didn’t let it stop me though. I found my place and announced to the few people already seated that the groom had told me this was the fun table! They whooped and hollered in agreement and brought over a pitcher of margaritas. I had a great time the entire evening.
‘Being love’ is an internal state that needs to radiate outwards. It might take some effort to move and untwist to let that light out, and that effort might very well be uncomfortable. I can stand it. The rewards are worth it.
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